YOUR ESSENCE
Who is the real you? What do you stand for? What makes you the person you are?
We all have identities that define us – being a mother, sister, brother, partner, best friend - is how society identifies us but, I’m talking about what is beneath that exterior identity. The treasure that you are, yet some never get to see or meet - I’m talking about your inner essence. All the details and experiences in your life that have all come together to form the very essence of who you are.
Learning these things about yourself takes much introspection bringing us to a self-awareness that we often assume as our own but, often are hinged on what we hear or things we learn from others. This road to self discovery is a life long endeavor.
The metaphor of an onion and it’s many layers always comes to mind when I think of myself and what lays beneath the outer surface. The outer skin is temporary, weak and will deteriorate over time first. The many subsequent layers beneath are a revealing process. If you physically take an onion – begin by peeling off the skin. Think of each element of your personal identity as you peel the layers - what motivates you, peel; reveal your goals, peel; name your dreams, peel; what are your highest values, peel; think about your beliefs and visions that are yours and yours alone making you unique to yourself. This is a very illuminating exercise that forces you to think about the unique individual that you are meant to be. I might add too that nothing is written in stone. Any of these elements can change as you travel this journey we call life.
Some of us forget about our own needs living in the identity society has given us. You can be a wonderful mother focusing all your time and energy on your family and children, their needs, what makes them happy, keeping them healthy, encouraging their own personal growth often forgetting that you also need to be cared for in many of the same ways. Over time, if by only focusing on those around you and living under societies labels, you will lose your self-worth as easily as you are losing your self-identity. You must take time out to reflect on your own needs, dreams, desires and nurture your inner essence so you can be a fulfilled human, being a benefit to those around you and the society you live in.
Being a mother is a very important but when you lose yourself in the sole roll of mother, focusing on nothing but your family's needs and forsaking your own needs, such as outside friendships, career choices, activities with your peers and so on, just imagine how you will feel when your children are grown and venture out on their own? You will be devastated in the realization that you are no longer needed and will be at a total loss. This can cause severe depression, losing control, and feeling worthless because that anchor you have clung to all your life is gone. When you allow one of your identities to hold so much power over who you, you run the serious risk of an identity crisis.
It is crucially important for you to spend time on yourself – discovering who you really are on the inside. You are the boss of you. Own yourself, decide on how you will live your life and live it for yourself. A life that is not defined by labels that society puts on us, or labels we allow put on ourselves. If you don’t really know who your inner essence is, then you are living your life for others. By following the direction of others, eventually crippling your ability to make your own decisions, you will lose the person you were meant to be. You will end up being an empty vessel others control by telling you what to do and who you are, because you fear making any decisions on your own.
Learning about yourself, your desires, goals, dreams, even your own characteristics all take time to develop. You don’t just wake up one day and know yourself. As I said it’s a life long process. My point is that we all need to live for ourselves rather than what society dictates. We will be a bigger benefit to our loved ones and the world around us if we live in sync with our inner essence.